2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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