A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
