I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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