If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
