sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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