I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
