I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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