I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
