I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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