Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
