Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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