i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
