So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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