I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
