I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
