It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
