Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
