1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
