I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
