My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
