How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
