if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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