the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
