She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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