My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
