I cannot find my penis.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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