I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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