you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
