I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
