I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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