I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
