you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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