Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
