You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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