Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
