i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
