No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
