After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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