I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pants are for mortals
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
