Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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