I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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