Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
