worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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