I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
