In the future we'll all be gay
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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