she woke up with a sticky ear
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
