Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
