is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
