Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
