woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Of course I have a pirate flag
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
