i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
