wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
