so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They are going to name an STD after you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
