Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
