I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
