Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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