I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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