Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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